Do you ever see those perfect moms on social media?
You know the ones…

The moms that make the cutest Pinterest-inspired lunches for their kids.

The moms with spotless homes that look like they can be featured in a home design magazine.

The moms who have routines where they wake up early, exercise, make breakfast, take the kids to school, all while still having a full face of makeup and not one stain on their clothing.

This is perfectionism at work. We constantly compare ourselves to other moms, whether that’s on social media, in our community, or circle of friends. We hold unrealistic standards for ourselves as moms. Letting go of perfectionism sets us free from the pressure of always trying to do everything right AND by ourselves all the time.

But before you can make a change, you must first both what perfectionism is and how to let go of perfectionism in motherhood. Come on mama, let’s put an end to these feelings of never being good enough (you’re doing great btw!).

How Does Perfectionism Show Up for Moms?

Perfectionism shows up in different ways for everyone. In motherhood, it starts with setting high expectations and standards for ourselves. We start comparing ourselves to something or someone else about our parenting choices. This creates an idea of what we “should be” doing as moms.

Here are some examples of perfectionism at work as a mom (some of these might surprise you!):

Feeling an intense pressure to get everything right
Having excessively high standards for yourself
Criticizing yourself when you don’t meet your high standards
Not taking risks or trying new things
Only sticking to doing things you know you’re good at
Overanalyzing situations and being hard on ourselves
Ruminating on situations and criticizing our part in them

Have you ever experienced any of these? I think we ALL have at some point. Perfectionism shows up in so many different ways, especially for moms. But why is it taken to the extreme when navigating motherhood? Let’s unpack that.

The Root Cause of Perfectionism in Motherhood

So, who is putting all this pressure on moms to be perfect? At our core, we want to be seen as “good moms.” We don’t want to fail or seem like we don’t know how to parent properly. We want the best for our kids and describe motherhood as being the most meaningful and fulfilling thing we’ve ever done. That’s where that drive to do things 100% perfect ALL of the time stems from.

Beyond our internal pressures, there are always societal pressures that continue to reinforce that cycle of perfectionism. For some reason, society has a lot to say about parenting (and we’re not sure why we keep listening to society, what do they know?!). If your child is misbehaving in public, this is a reflection on you. You must not have raised them properly. (I’m sorry, but has anyone ever met a toddler before? Tantrums happen all of the time!).

We tend to internalize these societal pressures and feel the judgment from everyone around us, leading us to the impossible feat of trying to be the perfect mom 24/7 (enter the perfectionism trap!).

The Problem with the Perfectionism Trap

When moms go down that path of perfectionism and get praise for doing so well, the endless cycle starts—the praise feels GOOD, and we want to get more of that validation. The issue here is it’s totally unsustainable. It’s impossible to be perfect all of the time. Perfectionism is the enemy of progress (we need to make mistakes in order to learn and grow!).

Perfectionism stops feeling good when:

It steals your self-compassion and self-esteem with unrealistic standards for yourself.
It’s a symptom of high-functioning anxiety driven by fear of failure and loss of control.
It limits our freedom, creativity, and uniqueness (these things are what make you, YOU!).
It makes us feel stuck and unfulfilled not having an identity outside of being a mom.
It leads to burnout as you try to keep up with all of the demands of being perfect.

This is the ultimate “aha!” moment when moms realize all of these feelings stem from the perfectionism trap. Now it’s time to escape the cycle for good!

Why It’s Crucial to Learn How To Let Go of Perfectionism

Ok mama, let’s do this! You’re ready to stop trying to be perfect all of the time. But you might be apprehensive to let go and relax those high standards for yourself. Little do you know all of the amazing things that await you!

When you let go of perfection, you’ll gain so much more:

A sense of relief when you take the pressure off yourself
An easier time with motherhood when not striving for perfection
Free time and space for things you value, like connection and creativity
Self-compassion and understanding instead of being self-critical
Being more present and engaged rather than distracted with perfection
Growth by taking risks and trying new and challenging things
Kids who are better prepared with more realistic expectations, seeing that mistakes happen

Finally breaking free from the cycle of perfectionism is incredibly liberating! It lets you live your life more authentically and relieves yourself of the weight of those unrealistic expectations. It's time to do motherhood the way YOU want, without the restrictions of perfectionism.

Following Your Intuition in Motherhood

I have a lifetime’s worth of using perfectionism to gain praise and avoid criticism (naturally, this showed up in my motherhood). I decided to try “wild mothering,” which encourages you to be yourself and follow your intuition as a mom. I love that this idea tells us the opposite of social norms to be the perfect moms. I began to feel the freedom that letting go of perfectionism brings!

Letting go of perfectionism can feel tough at first, but learning how to let go of perfectionism is the greatest gift you can give yourself (and your children!). An essential step of the process is creating self-compassion to break free from your harsh inner critic.

I created a 21-Day Reset that helps you do this and take control of the anxiety that comes along with perfectionism in motherhood. I’m right there with you mama, learning each day and realizing things aren’t perfect, and that’s ok.

Have questions or need support to help you let go of perfectionism for good? Let’s connect here or on Instagram!