5 Tips for Making New Mom Friends on Your Maternity Leave
Takeaway: New (and new again!) moms can feel isolated in the early weeks of motherhood but struggle to talk the negative impacts of their loneliness. Developing friendships with other new mothers is an important strategy for ending this social isolation and improving your mental health. Get my top 5 tips for making new friends during your maternity leave + my curated list of spaces to find mom friends in Kitsap County, Washington.
Having a baby is a transition that impacts every part of your life, but many moms are surprised at the toll it takes on their friendship circle. We spend so much time focusing on having the perfect birth plan, setting up the nursery, and arranging to stay home during our maternity leaves that we forget to consider the things we’ll need to do to care for ourselves during the newborn period. Friendship included.
The way motherhood changes friendship is not discussed enough. Speaking from my own experience, I did not expect my friendship circle to shrink after the birth of my son. As a therapist for moms, I find that most of the moms I work with are surprised when their social circle changes with each new child. We tend to expect more support than we get, and we are caught off-guard and may even feel like we’ve done something wrong when we start to notice that we aren’t getting as much support as we anticipated from our friends and family.
In this blog post, we’ll talk about the loneliness and isolation that accompanies changes to our friendship circles and the reasons we need mom friends in early motherhood. Then I’ll share my top tips for making new friends during your maternity leave. I’ll share the resources I recommend to mamas local to Kitsap County, WA + if you’re a mama outside of Kitsap County, you can use this resource list as a starting point for creating a similar list in your area.
Loneliness is Common in Early Motherhood
Many moms experience a surge of support from family and friends during pregnancy and the first few weeks after bringing baby home. But when your husband goes back to work, the meal trains stop, and requests to meet your newborn dwindle, you are often (quite literally) alone at home with your infant. The social isolation doesn’t feel good.
If you’re feeling alone, you’re actually in good company. More than 90% of moms feel lonely in early motherhood, which means that almost every other new mom (or new again mom) is feeling this way right now, too. The other moms are looking for social connection, support, community right along with you.
Moms Need Friendship to Thrive
We’ve all heard that bringing home a new baby should be the ‘happiest time of your life,' but it’s difficult to feel happy when you are isolated from friends, family members, and any other circles you frequented before the baby came along. Because loneliness is a significant risk factor for postpartum depression and anxiety, it’s an experience I take seriously as a therapist for moms.
Friendship won’t stop you from experiencing postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety, but it makes it easier than going it alone. Developing a support network of mom friends who are also in the newborn phase is one way you can decrease your risk of developing postpartum mental health symptoms like feeling disconnected from your newborn, feeling shame for having a tough time, comparing yourself to the experiences of other moms, and feeling lost as a new mom.
Tackling the problem of isolation when it begins, rather than waiting and risking the negative mental health effects of loneliness, lowers your risk of experiencing detrimental effects. Since maternity leave is the time social isolation first sets in for many moms, it’s also the perfect time to expand your friendship circle.
Maternity Leave is the Perfect Time to Make Friends with other New Moms
Maternity leave is an incredibly busy time, and many moms feel like they don’t have the capacity to do anything more than care for their infant & household. If the thought of spending your precious time and energy on expanding your social circle feels impossible, I get it.
I encourage moms to focus on developing new friendships during maternity leave for the following reasons:
Tackling your loneliness as soon as it begins leads to the best outcomes for your mental health. The longer you wait, the longer you have to deal with the negative impacts of social isolation.
You + the other new moms are not working outside of the home during your maternity leave, so your schedule often allows you to attend gatherings and events that you are not able to attend once work begins again.
Your infant is portable and immobile during the infant stage, which gives you a little bit more flexibility with meet ups and gatherings. Once your infant becomes mobile, you will want to meet in a childproofed space, so your options become limited.
Many community programs and events are designed specifically for new moms or moms with babies in arms, so you should take advantage!
Now that you’re ready to make new friends, let’s get to it.
5 Tips for Making Mom Friends on Your Maternity Leave
Making new friends isn’t easy, and most moms aren’t sure of where to begin. Many moms feel overwhelmed with the process, worry that their social skills won’t make the mark, are concerned that they will be judged for their parenting choices, and wonder if the other new moms are really feelings as alone and isolated as they are.
Remind: The other moms feel stressed out, alone, and wish they had a bigger friendship circle, too.
Here are my top 5 tips for making new friends during your maternity leave:
#1 - Put Yourself Out There
Making a new friend means putting yourself out there - it means saying hello first, being in a new public space, or reaching out differently than you might have in the past. The vulnerability of extending yourself can feel embarrassing and uncomfortable; after all, we all fear rejection. Try to remember that the other moms are looking for mom friends, too.
Once you make the connection, ask to exchange numbers. Then follow up with a text & invitation to meet up again. Keep it simple and focus on getting together as new moms.
#2 - Get Outside of the House with your Newborn
It’s possible to make friends without leaving the house (hello social media!), but I encourage in-person connection. For one thing, getting out of the house helps to reduce your loneliness. Second, you’re likely to make different friends than you’d find online + they tend to be friends who can spend time with you in-person when you leave the house and frequent a space where other moms hang out. This might be your gym, the playground, or a kid-friendly respite like the public library. Choosing a space that is close to home is a great idea because it lets you meet moms who live nearby and are more likely to be able to gather nearby again in the future.
#3 - Look for Moms with a Similar Lifestyle
At first, I recommend connecting to any mom you are interested in talking with and spending time with. As your circle expands, you’ll find that some friendships are “forever” while others were just during the newborn period. Both types of friendships are helpful, but many moms crave longterm friendships. Finding a friend who has a family that is similar to yours increases the chance of staying connected past the maternity leave period. Some things to consider:
The age of your children: Look for a mom friend who has a child that is similar in age to yours (within 6 months, if possible). If you have two children, it helps to find a friend whose children are similar in age to yours. Why? For one thing, it makes future gatherings. As a first time mom, I found that every mom friend I made was also a first time mom and our children are within 3 to 4 months of each other. We’ve gone through each stage and phase together and it made playdates easier!
Your status with work outside of the home: Are you a full time working mom? A stay-at-home mom? Someone in between? Finding other moms who are in your situation & who have similar schedules makes things easier down the road.
Your family’s lifestyle: The stereotypical mother-father-2.5 kids-and a dog situation doesn’t hold true for everyone. Are you a single parent? A military wife whose husband deploys for long periods of time? Do you live with your parents or help care for a relative? Finding a friend with a similar situation helps you to connect over those shared experiences & the demands of parenthood.
Your location: Finding a mom friend who lives nearby makes meeting up easier. It’s tough to get out the door with a little one, and a long car ride makes things even more challenging.
Your financial situation: Moms on a tight budget frequent different spaces than moms with expendable resources. Focusing on friendships within your neighborhood often means that you meet up with moms who are in a similar situation as you are, but this isn’t always the case. The last thing you need during the expensive newborn phase is to be trying to keep up with a mom who has more expendable resources than you do. Finding a mom friend who has a similar flex spending budget is helpful.
There will never be someone who is “perfect” and “checks all the boxes,” but these are some things to consider when you’re looking for a long-term friend.
#4 - Be Openminded to New Types of Friends
The women you meet when you’re focused on finding a friend who also has a newborn may surprise you. I’ve made friends who I would have never met if it weren’t for the shared experience of having a brand new child. Although we never would have become friends otherwise, we’ve bonded over our birth stories, the sleep regressions, the way our child has impacted our marriage… you name it. Being openminded to meeting different kinds of women that you might have chosen for friends in the past is helpful.
#5 - Remember that Striking Out is a Part of the Process
You got outside of your comfort zone, asked a mama for her phone number, planned a playdate… and it flopped. You don’t want to send time with her again (or maybe she’s the one with the hard feelings). I want you to know that this is a normal part of the process of making new friends. You won’t be a great fit for every single new mom out there, and that’s okay. Focus your energy on the moms you want to develop a deeper friendship with.
Places to Make Mom Friends in Kitsap County, Washington
For moms who are local to Kitsap County, Washington, I’ve compiled a list of the spaces new moms often frequent in the quest to make new mom friends. If you’re not a Kitsap County local, please use this list as a guide to the types of spaces you are likely to find friends in your own local community.
Support Groups for New Moms in Kitsap County
Giggles and Grow at Nurturing Expressions in Poulsbo, WA: Nurturing Expressions is a local boutique that fits mamas for breast pumps, has a wonderful selection of nursing bras, has a space to weigh your baby, and access to IBLCs to help you with your breastfeeding journey. Their Giggles and Grow group is a FREE weekly support group for moms with babies. One of the things I appreciated about this group was that it did not require an RSVP and was very laid back.
Luna Circle - Bainbridge Island, WA: This is a monthly peer support group for pregnant and postpartum women that is led by birth doula Sophia Tschida and therapist Anna Joy Gottlieb. I attended this group throughout my pregnancy and enjoyed the warm and inviting environment Sophia created for women to connect through their stories. This group is donation-based, although no one is turned away for lack of funds.
Mom’s Morning Retreat - Bainbridge Island, WA: This is a twice-monthly group for pregnant women and moms with children in all ages and phases. While it isn’t exclusive to new moms, there are many new moms who attend. The group focuses on developing community and self-growth through a variety of fun exercises and experiences led by facilitator Jen Breen. One of the really nice things about this group is that it provides childcare. The group costs about $150 per year to join, and a scholarship fund is available for moms who are unable to make that payment.
Spaces Where Moms & Babies Hang Out in Kitsap County
Parks: I recommend heading to your nearest park and spending time there with your newborn on a nice day. Moms with newborns are often found walking their babies in strollers while moms with older babies will be on the playground. Getting outside and walking is a helpful way to boost your mood while you’re on the lookout for new mom friends.
The Library: Each library in the area (Bainbridge, Poulsbo, Kingston, and Bremerton) hosts a FREE weekly story time for babies. The Silverdale library also hosts a music hour called Baby Band. These events tend to be well-attended by local moms, and the moms + babies usually hang out at the library and chat afterwards. If you’re looking for local mom friends, I suggest heading to your nearest library for story time.
Kidimu Museum’s Minimu Program - Bainbridge Island, WA: On Wednesday mornings during the school year, the Kidimu museum hosts a FREE parent-child enrichment program that favors younger babies and toddlers. The group meets during preschool hours, so it is a younger crowd. The program includes singing, playing instruments, story time, and then open play in the upstairs area of the Kidimu Museum.
The Indoor Pools: Parks and Recreation hosts family swim time at the indoor pools on Bainbridge Island and in Poulsbo with affordable passes. The YMCA does the same in Silverdale. Additionally, all three of these pools host parent-child swim lessons that are a great way to meet parents who have babies of a similar age.
Music Classes: The Story Song music class on Bainbridge Island was the first place I made mom friends. This parent-child music class frequents mothers with babies and toddlers. Teacher Katie does a wonderful job of sharing her love of music with the children, and I found that I had plenty of time to chat with the other mothers. It was the source of my first playdate!
Therapy Can Help You With The Lonely Parts of Motherhood
If you’re feeling lonely and isolated as a new mom, you’re not alone. This is really common for new moms who haven’t yet found the village, who are away from family, who have drifted away from their established friendship circles, or who don’t know the other moms in their area.
Consider therapy as an option. I can help you learn ways to cope with feeling isolated, help you figure out how to find your tribe, and even practice social skills like asking another mom for her phone number. Together we can work on your approach to friendship, navigate the major life transitions you’re facing, and help you tackle friendship in new motherhood so you gain the support of a community of other moms.
Get in touch with me to learn more about counseling and to see if therapy could be a good fit for you.
Not ready to start therapy right now but looking for a supportive community of moms? Join our virtual community at Nurturing the Sisterhood and connect with the other new moms who get it. Follow along on my Instagram page @nurturingthesisterhood or subscribe to our newsletter.
