Takeaway: Are you struggling when the stress hits? Learn how to calm down quickly & effectively using this the simple “1-2-3, Brand New Me" technique. It’s perfect for busy moms who need a simple way to reduce stress and improve well-being in less than 60-seconds.

When you tell someone that you’re struggling with motherhood, whether it be with mom anxiety or burn out, it’s pretty common to hear that you should change some part of your routine to stop the stress. “Have you tried therapy?"". or “Just take a break.” or “Start going to the gym.” or “Stop working.outside of the home”.

Two words come to mind when I consider this advice: Not helpful.

Other people’s solutions might sound like good ideas, but they aren’t always feasible for you, the person who is experiencing the stress. This is especially true if you’re like most moms today who lack the social supports and financial resources needed for these "ideas”.

Some moms don’t want to spend time away from their kids.

Some moms have partners who don’t pull their weight with the kids or with the household management.

Some moms don’t have the time in their schedule for weekly therapy sessions.

Some moms can’t afford a babysitter, a girls night, or a gym membership.

Some moms don’t have family nearby or family that is willing to give them a break.

Some moms are single parents, and they are literally doing it all.

Some moms are working full time because they have to.

And ALL moms need more support than they are getting. It’s a fact.

I believe that being a stressed out mom is a valid problem.. I believe that you are struggling. I believe that it is showing up as anxiety, overwhelm, anger, and frustration. And I also believe that all moms deserve real solutions to the problems of mom stress, anxiety, and burnout.

In this blog post, I’m going to discuss the reasons it’s important to deal with your mom stress, explain the way coping strategies can help (even if you’re busy), and teach you one of my favorite coping habits: 1-2-3 Brand New Me.

Why It’s Important to Deal with Your Mom Stress

Mom stress is a part of life that’s not going anywhere - so you’ve got to learn to cope. You don’t have control over the many things that make mom life difficult and overwhelming, but you can choose your reaction. It’s important to find ways to cope with the stress that improve the situation rather than making it worse. Learning to react with a healthy strategy not only lowers your stress, it also makes it easier for you to show up as the person you want to be in every part of your life. To sum this up: it’s important to learn to cope.

Downsides to Living with Stress

You don’t need me to tell you that stress is a problem, but you may not realize that it’s a significant problem. Many moms choose to live with stress because it feels easier than changing their lifestyle, finding effective strategies to cope, or admitting that stress is a real problem. In the short term, this might be okay. But in the long term, stress takes a significant toll on your ability to function.

The way stress shows up for each mom is different. For some moms, stress will be show up in their physical bodies. It might look like:

An inability to sleep, even when you are tired
Rashes,
Headaches that happen on a regular basis
Digestive issues that don’t improve with diet

Stress could also show up in your emotions or thoughts, and it might look like:

Anxiety
Burnout
Inability to think clearly
Difficulty with focusing & completing tasks
Anger that ranges from irritability to rage
A lack of patience with your children & family

And finally, it often shows up in our self-perspective. As a therapist for moms, I find that this can be the most damaging because it impacts our self-esteem and feelings of self-worth in truly negative ways:

Trying to be the perfect mom but feeling like you’re always missing the mark
Comparing yourself to the other moms (including moms on social media) and feeling like you don’t live up to their standards
Feeling like a failure as a mother
Guilt, guilt, and more guilt!

The list shared here is not exhaustive. It covers some of the most common reactions to stress and anxiety in moms.

Challenging Your Reaction to the Stress is Key

Mom stress can feel incredibly defeating. Since we know that the things that are stressing us out (AKA the mental load of motherhood) are not going away any time soon, trying to renegotiate the stress might feel like a waste of time. So many moms get trapped in the idea of, “this is just the way it is”. That stops today! I want to encourage this new perspective: you can accept that your stress exists but refuse to accept your physical, mental, and emotional reaction to the stress.

Until you decide that you’re not willing to accept the status quo, your unhelpful reactions are likely to continue. Consider your day today. What’s been stressful? How have you responded? Do you want that to continue or do you think there’s another way that might be better for you?

Once you decide that you’re ready to try something new, you’ve gotten over the first roadblock to stress management. You’re ready to take action.

The Smallest Coping Strategies Deliver

One of the things I hear most as a therapist for moms is, “I don’t have time!”. And I get it. Most moms, myself included, don’t have time to for elaborate stress-dropping routines. Pre-baby, I often did things to cope that now seem elaborate, complicated, or impossible. I took full mental health days. I went to the spa for an afternoon. I left the house for a cup of coffee and read a book, alone. These kinds of things are too difficult for me now.

When I started focusing on finding time to step away and care for myself in early motherhood, I found that I had pockets of time throughout my day. I might have five-minutes before my son wakes up in the morning, a few moments of silence during a car ride, or 15-minutes when I turned Blippi on. These weren’t enough time for any of the things I relied on for my stress pre-baby, but they were valuable moments I could spend resting or practicing ways to cope.

When I started to take advantage of these small chunks of time, things got better for me. My stress dramatically reduced, and my anxiety improved. At first I was surprised that these small moments of self care helped me more than my elaborate routines had in the past, but then I realized that it makes sense. Having self-care infused into my routines allowed me to care for myself on the regular instead of only in these big, intentional moments. I’m so passionate about this approach to stress and anxiety reduction that I teach mom’s exactly how to do it in my 21-Day Anxiety Reset.

LEARN MORE ABOUT MY 21 DAY ANXIETY RESET HERE.

1-2-3 Brand New Me

I learned this simple technique for lowering the stress from my son J’s preschool teacher Elizabeth. She uses this strategy throughout her day in a classroom full to busy toddlers. When she first shared it with me, I thought, “wow; if this works for her, I bet it will work for me, too.” It works so well that I’m sharing it with you as my go-to strategy for coping with mom stress.

How to Practice the “1-2-3 Brand New Me” Coping Skill for Stress

The next time you’re notice the stress creeping in, you want to pause and take a deep breath. This signals your body to pause and pay attention. It readies your mind for the 1-2-3, Brand New Me skill.

Here’s how you do it:

Breathe in slowly. As you inhale, count one-two-three. You can count aloud or silently.
Pause for a few seconds.
On the exhale, say the words, “Brand New Me”. You can say these words aloud or silently.

If you learn better via watching my example, click here to see me practice 1-2-3 Brand New Me this skill on my Instagram account @nurturingthesisterhood.

Even More Coping Strategies for Stressed Out Moms

If you’re looking for more ways to cope with the stress, here are some of the ways Dr. Julie and Nurturing the Sisterhood can supports you:

Follow Dr. Julie’s “Tuesday Tips” Series on Instagram

On Tuesdays, I host a Tuesday Tips series where I demonstrate a new coping strategy that’s just for moms. These range from learning to say “no” without causing conflict to writing yourself a gratitude letter to learning how to unclench your jaw so you can relax your body. Each week is different, and I tend to focus on the strategies I’m using in my own personal life. You can check them out in my highlights on Instagram or follow along @nurturingthesisterhood for next week’s tip!

Try the Getting Specific About Your Mom Anxiety Guide

If this post helped you recognize that you’re experiencing more stress and anxiety than you realized, you’re not alone. Many moms need help with two things: (1) truly understanding the ways stress shows up in their minds, bodies, and self-perspective, and (2) finding a way to explain their experience to their loved ones, medical providers, or even their therapist. My Getting Specific About Your Mom Anxiety Guide is an interactive guide that helps you map your mom anxiety + understand its relationship to stress, burnout, rage, and general overwhelm. Many moms learn more about themselves than they anticipated with this guide and then bring the guide to their medical doctor or therapist to help explain their experience of stress or anxiety. Other moms use the included guide to traditional and non-traditional treatment options that’s included within the guide to find non-medical resources they can use to sustainably ditch the stress.

Get Dr. Julie’s Guidance with a 1:1 Email Consultation for Moms

If you need to find ways to cope with a stressful situation or parenting issue, this is a great option for you. My 1:1 Email Consultations for Moms are available to moms all over the United States & Canada. You get up to two-weeks of support delivered via email. This is perfect for the mom who’s not trying to establish care with a therapist but wants the expert perspective a therapist for moms can offer. It’s also a great option for the mom who prefers to communicate in writing. Dr. Julie personally responds to each consult. Learn more about the way email consults for moms work here.

Therapy Helps Moms Learn to Cope with the Stress

Still feeling unsure about how you can cope with your stress?

Therapy can help you make sense of the stressful parts of your life and deal with any issues that are contributing to your stress as a mom. You’ll leave our sessions feeling more confident, with tangible coping strategies that are tailored to your needs and lifestyle.

I’m a therapist on Bainbridge Island, Washington, and I’d be honored to figure this out with you. Reach out today for support — I can help you in therapy if you live in Washington State.

How to Quickly Calm Down When the Stress Hits