How to Find the Perfect Therapist: A Guide for Moms
Takeaway: Finding a therapist for moms, sometimes called a “perinatal therapist” or “maternal mental health therapist,” is not always easy. New moms experience specific challenges such as mom anxiety, postpartum anxiety & postpartum depression, birth trauma, and significant life transitions that only perinatal therapists are equipped to support. It’s important to find the therapist that’s the right fit for you.
Finding a therapist who supports moms with postpartum stress, maternal anxiety, overwhelm, and burnout isn’t easy. There’s a shortage of therapists and it’s tough to find a therapist who really gets it.
Because it’s so difficult to find a perinatal therapist, some moms will decide to “just take any therapist” who has an opening. I get it – I know you need help! But I also think there’s incredible value in finding the therapist who is actually the right therapist for you. Why?
Therapy isn’t effective without a therapist who is a good fit.
Finding the right therapist for you is essential. And interviewing a potential therapist is a good place to start. In this post, I’ll explain the process of obtaining a therapist, why you want to consider the first session as an interview, and the questions you want to ask to determine if the therapist is the right fit for you.
How to Find a Therapist for Moms
Once you’ve decided to prioritize your mental health and wellbeing with therapy, you want to start looking for the right therapist for you. So many moms reach out to me and say, “where do I even start? I don’t know where to look for a therapist!”. And even more have no idea that therapists specialize in supporting women and families experiencing perinatal mental health issues.
Try a Therapist Database or Directory
A therapist directory is a great place to begin your search. These directories allow therapists to advertise their services. There are two directories that I use when I’m helping someone find a therapist. The first one is the Psychology Today directory because it allows you to filter by gender, location, and specialty. This database is not specific to therapy for moms, but it allows you to search for one.
The Postpartum Support International Directory is specific to therapists for moms. Postpartum Support International, or PSI, is the organization that offers the PMH-C credential to therapists, which is a relatively new (and the only) a credential that shows that a therapist has specialized training in working with new moms during the perinatal period. While a therapist doesn’t necessarily need this certification to show that she has this training, it is a clear sign that she does.
Look for a Perinatal Therapist on Social Media
This might be a surprising recommendation, and it’s one I wouldn’t have given in the past. But more and more therapists are entering the social media space as a way of connecting with moms who are looking for therapy (even me!). If you find a therapist you’re interested in via a directory, you may want to look for her on Instagram, Tik Tok, or Pinterest. This allows you to get a sense of the therapist’s personality, which is important.
Ask Your Doctor, OBGYN, or Fertility Clinic for a Referral
Your primary care physician or OBGYN likely knows the local options for perinatal therapy, and you can often get a list of local therapists from these medical providers. Additionally, many fertility clinics offer in-house therapy for moms and families who are going through fertility treatment.
Consider the Logistics of Therapy as a Mom
The Financial Investment
Once you’ve found a few therapists you’re interested in, you want to consider the financial investment. Every family’s financial situation is different. One option is to use insurance to mitigate the costs of therapy. Using insurance is often the cheapest way to go, although it can limit care options & often limits your access to therapists, as it only covers therapists who are within your insurance network. Another option is to pay out-of-pocket for therapy. This gives you and the therapist the most flexibility, as your care is not limited to rigid insurance guidelines. Additionally, many out-of-pocket therapists can provide you with a superbill that allows you to use your out-of-network insurance benefits. Calling your insurance company to discuss how this works (every plan is different) is a good idea.
Telehealth or In-Person Therapy?
Determine whether you’d like to try in-person or virtual therapy. As a therapist for moms, I find that virtual therapy is easiest for most moms. In fact, over the last 3 years, I have had ZERO moms request in-person therapy (and I closed my in-person office). Virtual therapy is nice because it lowers the time commitment (no driving to-and-from the appointment), it allows you to meet with the therapist in your own home or in between errands, on a break from work etc., and it gives the therapist a look into your personal life that the therapist wouldn’t otherwise get.
The Ability to Bring Your Child to Therapy
The number one question mom ask me during the consultation process is, “Can I bring my child to therapy with me?”. My answer is always “YES!!!”. Your child being in your arms is okay. Nursing your child is okay. Having your toddler play or watch Blippi in the background while we meet is okay. I find that being able to bring your child is often essential to the success of therapy, because childcare is tough to find. Most therapists for moms feel the same way.
Three Questions to Ask in the Initial Therapy Session
The initial meeting with your therapist is used to determine whether you and the therapist both feel like you are a good fit for each other. Some therapists offer no-cost 15-minute consultations for this purpose while others go through this process as a part of the initial therapy session. While there are pros and cons to each approach, the important idea here is that you use this time to determine whether YOU think you want to work with the therapist.
Aside from paying attention to the therapist’s personality, asking her ideas about the kind of work you can do together, and getting a general sense of whether you like her or not, I recommend asking these three questions when you’re looking for a therapist who works with moms:
How many people does the therapist see each week for therapy?
As a therapist myself, I wouldn’t want to see a therapist that has over 20 clients each week. In the therapy world, this is considered full time. I want to have a therapist that has the mental capacity to focus on and support me.
Does the therapist have training and expertise in working with moms?
It’s important to make sure that the therapist is an expert in the support you need so you don’t waste your time. It’s okay to ask your therapist about her education, training she’s received in working with moms, her experience with the issue you’re seeking therapy for, and even if she is a mom herself. I know that I consider my credential as a mom to be essential to my ability to care for new moms; my experience changed my perspective completely (which is remarkable because I have 12 years of training!).
What is the therapist’s style or approach to therapy?
Every single therapist is different. Some therapists are about listening and exploring. Others are active problem solvers or advice-givers. And some draw on a combination of personal experience and training to offer you support. Additionally, each therapist has a different feeling about collaboration.
Many therapists specialize in a specific treatment approach or a specific challenge faced by moms. For example, I am a therapist for moms who experience anxiety, burnout, and overwhelm, especially in new motherhood. I also support moms who are facing related situations like feeling unsupported in motherhood, going back to work, managing the mental load, navigating fertility and pregnancy, and coping with birth trauma.
Ask the therapist to explain her approach and only proceed if it’s what you’re looking for. It’s okay to decide you don’t want to move forward after the initial therapy session (or at any other time). If you decide the therapist isn’t for you, tell her. She’ll probably help you find someone who is a better fit.
Therapy for Moms in Washington State – Get Support Today!
Dr. Julie Franks is a perinatal therapist who offers online therapy to moms who live in Washington State. Her practice is located on Bainbridge Island, WA and she works with moms who live anywhere in Washington.. She specializes in the treatment of postpartum anxiety, stress, overwhelm, and burnout + life transitions and challenges associated with motherhood such as navigating fertility, parenting, returning to work, the mental load of motherhood, and family conflict . Many of the moms Dr. Julie works with are new moms, moms with toddlers, or moms with young families. If you want to talk with Dr. Julie about getting started with therapy, please reach out here.
If therapy isn’t in the cards for you right now or you are a mom outside of Washington State, please check out our self-paced resources and guides here. All of the resources at Nurturing the Sisterhood are created for busy moms who need support but aren’t looking to establish a relationship with a therapist OR moms who are waiting for therapy and want to start getting relief now.
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