Is Mom Anxiety Keeping You Up at Night? Tips for Coping with Anxiety-Induced Insomnia.
As moms, we're not strangers to the crippling effects of anxiety, stress, burnout, and the overwhelming mental load that comes with it. While sacrificing sleep may seem like the norm, it shouldn't be. Restful sleep is ESSENTIAL to living well, especially as a mom. We can't expect ourselves to show up as our best selves, at home or elsewhere, when we aren't getting rest day after day after day.
While insomnia might seem like a night-time problem, it’s usually a lifestyle problem. It’s a sign that you aren’t caring for your mind & body well enough during the day – and so you are trying to deal with this lack of self-nurture at night. Many moms don’t realize that their habits during the day directly impact sleep at night, and that a change in these habits often results in more restful sleep.
What is Anxiety-Induced Insomnia?
Anxiety-induced insomnia is when the stress and anxiety you cope with during the day impacts your ability to get restful sleep. This specific brand of insomnia tends to show up in three different way:
You have trouble falling asleep.
You fall asleep, but wake up several times throughout the night. .
You sleep well enough, but you wake up too early.
In all of these scenarios, your anxious and overwhelmed thoughts, feelings, or emotions are to blame for the disturbed rest. It’s about your anxious thoughts that keep you awake, not your kids. For many moms, it’s a familiar scenario of laying in bed and suddenly remembering all of the things you forgot to do that day, replaying the tape of a conversation you feel embarrassed about, or being able to shut down thoughts that are keeping you awake.
How Does Anxiety-Induced Insomnia in Moms Show Up During the Day?
The problem with anxiety-induced insomnia is that it leaves you without rest. Rest is an essential component to mental wellness, and without it, you are at risk for experiencing both physical and mental health issues. This is especially true in early motherhood when you are sleeping less because your baby or child needs care overnight.
Here are some ways anxiety in moms can show up and become magnified when you aren’t sleeping:
You’re more likely to develop postpartum anxiety and/or generalized anxiety + if you experience any other mental health conditions, they often increase in severity when you are not sleeping
Having trouble remembering things, which we often call“Mom brain” or having a foggy memory
Negative self-talk - being self-critical and talking to yourself internally in an unkind way (i.e., “I’m not enough,” “My anxiety is making me a bad mom!”)
Burnout – experiencing exhaustion (mental, emotional, and even physical) from your day-to-day stress and responsibilities
Anger & Rage - which is often caused by feeling frustrated by the way anxiety shows up in your daily life
Physical health problems like getting sick more often due to a weaker immune system & being more likely to become physically ill from viruses and germs
Many moms don’t realize that finding a way to get restful sleep is a key component of supporting mental health. Since sleep seems impossible to get when you’re caring for a baby or toddler, you might give up on trying. This would be a mistake. Prioritizing sleep is essential to reducing your anxiety during both the day and at night.
Daytime Habits that Support Restful Sleep
Once you identify that anxiety-induced insomnia is a problem for you, it’s important to start practicing what experts term good sleep hygiene. This means finding ways to support your body with preparing for the next night’s rest as soon as you begin your day.
Say No to Caffeine After Breakfast
When you’re a mom with anxiety, you are often more sensitive to stimulant substances like caffeine. With this in mind, start setting your body up for success at the very start of your day. I’m not suggesting that anyone stop drinking caffeine altogether (although you might find you feel better without it), but say no to drinks, foods, and treats with caffeine after breakfast. Many moms don’t know that the energizing effects of caffeine can last for hours – and even if they don’t stop us from falling asleep at night, they often impact the quality of our sleep.
Try a Little Exercise (and get outside to do it, if you can!)
Moving your body during the daytime helps to release anxious energy and it physically tires the body. The key is to start small. Take a short walk around the block or do a 5-minute yoga session. This is enough to make a difference in your sleep. If you find exercise to be helpful, you can increase activity over time (and with medical guidance).
Care for Your Daytime Anxiety
If you’re a mom who experiences anxiety, it’s important to find ways to cope with the anxious thoughts, feelings, and emotions that take place during the day. Otherwise, your mind may save those anxious thoughts and emotions for the moment your head hits the pillow. There are many options for coping with mom anxiety that include learning skills to deal with the anxiety as it arises. For some moms, this means therapy. For others, it means self-help and self-paced resources like my 21-Day Anxiety Reset.
Nighttime Habits that Reduce Anxiety-Induced Insomnia
When it comes to nighttime, your habits here matter, too. You want to be intentional about the way you set yourself up for sleep at night, and developing a nighttime ritual that supports healthy sleep is essential.
Create a Bedtime Mindfulness Ritual
Bedtime is the perfect time to incorporate mindfulness into your routine. Mindful practices help us to calm both our minds and bodies, and this makes it easier for us to rest and sleep. Not sure of where to start? You can write in your gratitude journal or listen to music or a podcast. If you want something more direction, I suggest using an app like Headspace, Calm, or the Peloton app. I like to use this soft headphone headband to listen so I can fall asleep without needing to take any earbuds out.
Set a Bedtime
Ask any mom, and she’ll tell you. Having a bedtime for your child is important. Why? It helps their body’s circadian rhythm know when to expect sleep, and this makes it easier for your child’s body to fall asleep. The same goes for you, mama. Your body does better when it knows when it can expect to fall asleep. Your bedtime doesn’t need to be hard-and-fast, but it is a good idea for your bedtime to be within a 30-minute window each night.
The No Glow Rule
In the half-hour before your bedtime, be sure to keep your devices turned off. You want to turn your phone, tablet, televisions etc. off. You can spend this last half-hour before bed doing something that doesn’t involve screens like chatting with your partner, tending to your hygiene before bed (shower, face washing, teeth brushing), or even listening to a podcast, just so long as you aren’t looking at the screen while you do it.
What if I do all this, and my anxiety still keeps me up at night?
First, give yourself a pat on the back for tending to your sleep hygiene during the daytime. This is the first step in taking back control from you insomnia. Then, make sure there isn’t anything happening in your sleep environment that is making it difficult to sleep: is it too warm? is your partner snoring next to you? is there noise outside that woke you up? Tend to the parts of the environment you have control over.
Then, follow this plan for middle-of-the-night anxiety-induced insomnia:
Your first line of defense is to stretch your limbs, get into a comfortable position, and use a breathing technique or meditation. I keep one queued up on my phone for easy access & minimal blue light exposure.
Read a book with a small night light. Try to choose a book that you won’t stay up reading; I like to read something that I’ve read before so I’m getting the benefit of reading instead of the suspense of what comes next in the novel.
If you’re still awake after 15 minutes of breathing, meditation, or another quiet activity in bed, get up and go into a different room. Keep the lights low and do a quiet activity like a puzzle, a gratitude journal, knitting, or coloring. When you start to feel tired again, head back to bed and try to get to sleep.
And, as a final tip: if you use these strategies and see no difference in your anxiety-related insomnia, I recommend seeking professional medical support from both a medical doctor who can rule-out physical health conditions and a mental health therapist who can troubleshoot your specific situation with you.
If you want to identify the ways anxiety shows up for you and get prepared to talk about your anxiety with a professional, my new interactive guide, Getting Specific About Your Mom Anxiety is for you. It will help you identify the way anxiety shows up in your mind, your body, and your self-perspective + help you identify traditional and non-traditional treatment options.
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