Top Tips for Navigating the Stress Around Holiday Gatherings with a Food Allergy Toddler
Holiday gatherings and time spent with loved ones often revolves around festive foods and drink that we don’t get to enjoy at any other time of the year. And while this is fun for most of us, it’s a major source of stress for families who deal with food allergies, especially during the toddler years. The worry that your child will eat something he isn’t able to tolerate is real – and can have life-threatening consequences. While these consequences are the same no matter the age or phase of your food allergy child, the toddler years are unique in the challenges they present to a food allergy child.
If you’re finding the toddler years to be the most stressful period of food allergy management, you’re not alone.
It’s really stressful! You can’t control the way your toddler interacts with the environment in the same way you could with a baby, yet your toddler is not yet able to navigate his food allergies alone.. Here are the extra stressors you’re trying to manage:
It doesn’t feel good to bring your toddler to an event & then watch him struggle with feeling left out. Toddlers are keenly aware of what they are missing out on, and their hurt feelings when they miss out on the foods that others are eating is very real.
You are solely responsible for making sure your toddler stays safe. Although toddlers with food allergies are often aware that they cannot eat certain foods, but they don’t yet have the ability to navigate this alone. They are unable to read labels and they don’t yet have the active problem solving skills they need to determine which foods are safe.
Your toddler’s mobility means that you can’t control his environment 100% of the time. Toddlers can reach onto tables and counters + find foods on the floor, and it only takes seconds for that food to get into their mouths.
Your supervisory needs extend past your toddler & to all of the other kids & adults in the room. Other children may want to share unsafe foods with your toddler, as a gesture of kindness. Well-meaning adults are known to offer treats to children, without thinking of the consequences. This means that you need to be on-guard for the entire gathering, and this isn’t enjoyable.
The extra stress this puts on parents, especially in food forward gatherings, is intense, and many parents resort to restricting attendance at family & public gatherings to include unsafe foods. While this is an option, it’s not your only option. Here are some tips to consider before you turn that invitations down.
Tip #1: Communicate Your Toddler’s Needs, Even if You Have Before
The conversation about your toddler’s food allergies needs to begin as soon as you receive the invitation. Parents sometimes stay quiet because they don’t want to be “that parent” who talks about food allergies all the time. It’s important to remember that this is an urgent medical issue, not a preference, and that it needs to be discussed.
Hosts vary in their willingness & ability to accommodate the needs of your toddler, and you won’t know if solutions that make things easier for you are possible unless you ask. So the first thing you want to do is start a conversation. I recommend having these conversations via old fashioned phone call or face-to-face so that nothing is lost in translation over text or email.
Be sure to communicate the foods your toddler is allergic to, the consequences if that food is ingested, your worry about stopping your toddler from accessing unsafe foods, and to ask if the host is willing to have a party that does not include those foods. Many hosts are willing to accommodate your needs & are also willing to send out an email or text alerting others of the food allergy. If that is not possible, and allergy foods will be there, ask questions about where food will be served, the format of the gathering, etc. This information lets you determine if your toddler’s presence at the event will be safe.
If your host is willing to accommodate your toddler’s needs, that is great! But the communication doesn’t stop there. You want to communicate your toddler’s allergy needs again when you arrive at the gathering. If you find that there are any unsafe or questionable foods (which often happens because people bring treats to share), you need to inform the other adults and children at the party of the unsafe food & the importance of not sharing it with your toddler. Depending on the severity of the allergy, you may need to ask the host to put the food away.
Tip #2: Bring Your Child’s Favorite Foods + a Special Treat
When we take our food allergy toddler out in public, we always bring our own food for him to eat. This reduces the risk of self-contamination and insures we always have foods he is able to eat when we are out. Most food allergy parents do the same. When we go to a gathering or event, we up the ante. We bring the same yellow bento box full of safe foods that we always bring, but we also include special treats that our toddler wouldn’t otherwise get. And we tailor those to the event. For example, when we attended a birthday party recently, I brought my son an allergy safe cupcake and dairy free ice cream; although he noticed that he didn’t have the same cake and ice cream as everyone else, he felt included and special when the treats were shared.
Tip #3: Host Your Own Gathering
Another option is to offer to host the holiday gathering yourself, and to provide all the food (or do it potluck style if you fully trust the people bringing the food. I struggle with this, as I think everyone has great intentions but doesn’t realize when contaminants are present). This is the strategy our family is using for the Christmas holiday this year. We are hosting and making allergy-safe lasagnas and treats. This solution feels comfortable for us, because we know we can be hands off and enjoy the day without worrying about unsafe foods like we would if we go elsewhere.
Tip #4: Remember that Staying Home, With or Without Your Toddler, is an Acceptable Option
If the stress of managing the food allergy is too high, give yourself permission to turn the gathering down. It is okay to say something like, “I don’t think I can manage my child’s food allergies at the party this year. Thank you so much for inviting us, but we need to pass. We hope we can make it next year when our child can better navigate his allergies in public.” Those who are in your corner will understand. And to those who don’t – it’s okay. Your stress levels & your child’s safety comes first.
Depending on the event, you may also be able to give a creative, partial RSVP. For instance, you could attend part of the gathering but leave before the parts that include food. Or you could book a babysitter to entertain your toddler and attend the event without him.
Above all, remember that the toddler stage and phase of managing your child’s food allergy is temporary.
When you make decisions about holiday gatherings that prioritize your mental health & your child’s safety, you’ll feel better. While it doesn’t always feel good to turn an invitation down or to miss out on a gathering you look forward to every year, it’s preferable to the stress of a gathering that puts your child’s safety at risk.
Looking for ways to reduce your stress & anxiety as a food allergy parent? Join our Nurturing the Sisterhood community or follow along on Instagram here!
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