Find Your Village (Because Moms Can’t Do It All!)
Motherhood doesn’t come with a job description. There’s no handbook. No one is telling you exactly what you need to do. Being a mom looks different for everyone, and at the same time we all know that moms are the caregivers. The nurturers. The strong ones. The ones who create the routines, set the standards, and manage the calendar. The ones everyone counts on. For everything.
It’s too much. No mom is doing it all alone, and if she is, she’s sacrificing herself to do it.
Queue The Village.
You know what I’m talking about. The support network that you can lean on when mom life gets tough. Your resource for practical help, emotional care, and a place to feel nurtured. And, importantly, a group who is going to help you raise your children.
The village you need is unique to you – and if you’re like most moms (75%), you don’t have that tribe. You’ve figured out that the village isn’t going to magically appear. You long for it.
So here’s a novel idea: you should create the village you need. If you’re not interested, you’re not alone.
Ironically, as much as mom’s need their village, their tribe, that extra set of eyes and ears – mom’s resist creating it. But why would moms choose to do it alone when they could be getting support?
Moms Want to Stay In Control
Having a village is a catch-22. You gain support – but often lose some control. And control is important to moms, especially moms who experience anxiety. The idea of someone else caring for your child is scary because you know that no one will do it exactly as you do. I get it; I struggle with this myself. But truth be told, being in control of everything doesn’t feel good. It almost always leads to exhaustion, burnout, and overwhelm.
Moms Want to Live Up to the Social Expectations
Moms put incredible pressure on themselves to live up to the illusive and unrealistic social expectations that are literally exhausting them. We want to be perfect, because we hear about it when we’re not. And that sense of failure sinks deep. Sometimes just being honest and admitting that you can’t do it all is too much. It seems easier to suck it up and suffer.
Moms Fear the Wrong Village
Creating a village takes A LOT of vulnerability. Connecting with and forming relationships means putting yourself out there – and there are as many risks as there are potential benefits. Finding likeminded parents to connect with is not easy, especially if you subscribe to parenting ideals that aren’t mainstream. Being judged doesn’t feel good, and we want to protect ourselves from it. We don’t have the energy for it.
Moms Don’t Have the Energy to Support Anyone Else.
Part of being in a village is giving to others. It’s not just getting the support – it’s also giving it. It means that you’re the extra set of hands for others, and this can feel too demanding when you’re in the throes of burnout from doing it all.
But the truth is, the village is the answer to so many of your problems.
It’s the key to showing up as the mom you really want to be. It means less mom anxiety, less stress, less burnout. We are meant to mother together. Here’s why:
Supported Moms Parent Differently.
We aren’t meant to parent alone, and historically, societies were designed to give moms support. The major disadvantage to parenting without a village is that we face the burden of meeting all of our child’s needs, as well as our own needs + the needs of our families, falls on us alone. This burden is too much to bear. When we parent with a community of support, we have the chance to be nurtured ourselves. We have the chance to focus on our well-being, not just our child’s. This is essential to thriving as a mom.
Supported Moms Feel Less Alone.
A village offers you connection. It gives you the chance to get a new perspective. To celebrate your joys as a parent – and get support with the sorrows. You get to see the way other moms are doing things. To realize that you’re a good mom. You’re doing the best you can, and so is everyone else. You are all in it together. You’re working together. It’s easier to feel like the mom you want to be when you feel like you have that village of support.
Supported Moms Are Healthier & Happier.
Moms who have a supportive village have better mental health outcomes than mom’s who don’t have that same village. We’re talking less mom anxiety, less postpartum depression, less anger, less stress. And we moms need this. Nearly half of moms are seeking therapy because they are struggling with these emotions. The support you get from your village is a key part of starting to get well. It’s also something you can create right now, even as you figure out how to find the right therapist to support you.
Motherhood truly requires a village. It’s not meant to be done alone. You deserve to be a part of a group that has your back. It makes mom life easier, so that you can experience motherhood in the way you always imagined. Creating the village you need starts with you.
Looking for a village of supportive moms who can be a part of your village? Join our Nurturing the Sisterhood community or follow along on Instagram here!
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