“Mom Anxiety”: What it Is and How to Overcome It
You know the feeling when your stress levels start to rise, and you’re overwhelmed with thoughts like, “I am not enough for my kids” or “my anxiety is making me a bad mom.” I want you to stop those thoughts right in their tracks mama. You’re not a bad mom—far from it, I'm sure of it! Mom anxiety isn’t all too different from anxiety you may have experienced before becoming a mom (but now it’s decided to level up, and not in a good way!)
Anxiety stems from your unique experiences and habits—it’s different for everyone! Some people feel it in their body, others more with their mind. Sometimes both if you’re really lucky (insert sarcastic grin here.) When you feel anxiety coming on, whether it's excessive worry, restlessness, exhaustion, or intrusive thoughts, it hits you like a tidal wave.
Let’s get into what it feels like to experience anxiety after becoming a mom and how to overcome and manage that mom anxiety the best you can (you got this!).
What is New Mom Anxiety?
New mom anxiety describes the postpartum anxiety many moms experience after giving birth. The actual purpose of anxiety is to show up when we’re in danger and give us that boost of adrenaline to keep us safe. Unfortunately, anxiety is kind of a jerk and does what it wants—even when you aren’t in any sort of physical danger (thanks anxiety!)
If you’re experiencing new mom anxiety and think you’re the only one feeling that way, you’re not alone! Every mom experiences anxiety in some way (every human actually). More than 68% of moms experience anxiety with 35% saying it's moderate to severe.
Due to deep-rooted stigma, many moms don’t recognize or admit they’re experiencing mom anxiety. While 10% report having postpartum anxiety, professionals know the actual numbers are much higher!
It's also important to understand that mom anxiety isn’t just for postpartum moms. When it comes to parents with teens, 20% have reported even higher rates of anxiety than new parents or those with young children (we always hear “wait until their teenagers!” in response to struggles as newer moms, which is a whole other discussion!)
How Does Anxiety in Moms Show Up?
Mom anxiety can manifest in different ways; you might not even know some of your thoughts or behaviors are caused by anxiety! Sometimes the signs aren’t as obvious when you feel those physical symptoms. Behaviors and patterns caused by mom anxiety can make it difficult to care for our children, let alone ourselves and the rest of the household responsibilities!
Here are some ways anxiety in moms can show up:
Perfectionism – needing to maintain control over situations and do everything exactly the way it’s supposed to be done
Over-analyzing - rethinking situations over and over again, often criticizing yourself in the situation and your role
Avoiding - not doing the things that you want or need to do because the discomfort of doing it is overwhelming
Negative self-talk - being self-critical and talking to yourself internally in an unkind way (i.e., “I’m not enough,” “My anxiety is making me a bad mom!”)
Catastrophizing - thinking that the worst-case scenario is going to come true
Burnout – experiencing exhaustion (mental, emotional, and even physical) from your day-to-day stress and responsibilities
How many of these did you know were triggered by anxiety? Many moms don’t realize these behaviors are caused by anxiety and therefore don’t know they can do something to address it!
Why Don’t Moms Get Help?
With mom anxiety being so common, it’s shocking to know that less than 15% of moms get treatment for their mental health (which is much too low!).
A few of the reasons moms aren’t getting help stem from:
Stigma about seeking help or asking for support
Feeling ashamed or embarrassed that they need help
Thinking they don’t have the time or are too busy to get help
Not recognizing how much anxiety stands in the way (people around us usually notice this first)
Reinforcing the idea that moms should just deal with it is what keeps us trapped in this anxious cycle. Having that mindset prevents us from finding ways to feel better, thrive, and experience the joy in motherhood.
But YOU mama, are the one who gets to decide when enough is enough. If you notice anxiety affecting your relationships (whether with your spouse, friends, family, or even yourself), stopping you from doing the things you love, or standing in the way of being the parent you want to be, it’s time to make a change.
How to Overcome Anxiety After Becoming a Mom
There’s no “cure” or one-size-fits-all approach that’ll completely get rid of your mom anxiety forever. But the good news is (I know you were waiting for that!), there are ways to overcome and cope with it. It starts by educating and informing yourself that you have options, many of which are right in your local community.
Your options for treatment can include some or even all of these things:
Traditional treatment options like therapy (and sometimes medication)
Exercise, nutrition, acupuncture, breath work, yoga, self-help resources (such as Nurturing the Sisterhood)
Creating a sustainable support network to help reduce the mental load of motherhood, freeing up space and time for your own self-care (this is often overlooked but essential!)
Deciding when and how to get treatment for your anxiety is up to you (no one knows you better than you do!). No matter which option you choose, prioritize having a caring, supportive community to help get you through the stressful parts and support you on your journey to giving yourself more self-compassion.
A holistic approach in mind and body is crucial to conquering mom anxiety. “But where do I start?” I hear you, mama, that’s why I created my 21-Day Anxiety Reset! Learn how to reduce your stress, anxiety, overwhelm, and burnout (with the same techniques I help moms with in my therapy practice!). Remember, YOU are in control of your anxiety now, not the other way around.
NEW WORKSHOPIs it Anxiety or is it Just Motherhood?
Everything you need to know.
